Naija Chikita
Sunday, September 13, 2009
007
Damn,
i remember that day like it was yesterday.
We used to live at a Bank avenue ( Bank avenue= area populated by banks.)
One faithful Friday nite, my dad had left the previous day to Kogi for some contract thingy. My maternal grandma was over for the weekend.
me i was jejely sleeping oh for my room, when the next thing i hear,
Screeching of tires, followed by gunshots. Gbosa Gbosa Gbosa.
It can't be knock-out (firecrackers) now. what are they celebrating.
Na the real thing oh!
Me i was like no worries, the guards would take care of the business. One of the advantages of living in that area.
Only for my lil. sister, Nyenye, to run into the room and was like, "did u hear?"
Me i was like, "Mumu, why do u think i am awake."
"Was that knock out or gunshot?"
(Don't blame us oh! we have never been robbed in our entire lives. we have God to thank for that. Plus we cannot for the life of us tell the difference. to me, they all sound the same. Except the ones on Naija movies. correct FAKE be dat one)
Next thing my mom quietly makes her way in.
"Chayoma, are you alright?"
'she's fine" (my sister too sabi.lol)
'Nyenye, what are you doing here?"
"i heard the gunshots now."
By now it has died down (for the meantime).
So we were thinking, coast is clear. make we go watch movie on tv, since we are awake. if possible chop better thing.
My mom is now close to the window, trying to see whether she can see anything.lol.
Next thing, we hear, Ptatatatatata.....(na gunshots. my attempt at special effects)
it is closer to our house this time. before you can even say Jack Robinson, my sister and momsie don take cover, floor position, military style, except me. i am still on my bed.
Then the Bank guards (Standard trust bank) closest to our house, decided to show off their weapons, responding fire for fire.
This shootout was going on for like 5 minutes ( i am guessing. in these situations, who looks at the time!)
Next thang i see, my grandmother, on all fours, James Bond style, creeping into my room.
Oh my gawd. i couldn't help myself. i started to laugh. see madness.
i didn't know this woman fit crawl. Na situation make crayfish bend.
My mother was like, 'Shhhh. you want them to come over here?"
Like say we get money for house we fit give them. Me i don;t want any violation of my body oh, so i just shut up.
Next thing (i too like this word huh?)
With megafone, the leader of the armed robbery gang ( i am guessing na leader) announces his presence.
" We are not here to rob you. Just stay where you are and don't come in our way. we are after UBA bank ( i bliv that was the bank. i know, i too forget. Blame it on the porosity of my pwetty brain) and them alone".
Chai, i just felt sorry for that Bank and their guards. if i was the guards, as soon as i hear that public announcement, na 4-40 , as fast as my legs can carry me.
By now, everyone don cool.
The firing don stop.
Only for the police to make their appearance
Kpatakpatakpata
Gbosa Gbosa Gbosa.
who ever supplied those robbers with their ammunition knows what's up. They should hook our police force up oh! Those akpuruka guns will not protect our country well oh!
Police then tried tear gas. the thing was stinging my eye for my room self. Mscheewww.
But apparently, they, the robbers had masks.
Professionals, no be small. they came more than prepared.
it didn't take the police long to figure out that they were no match for this set of robbers armed to the teeth.
They(the pol pol) packed their cork-and-shoot guns and left the scene.
The robbers just carried themselves and their machine guns, to the target site.
Blew up the gate, shot their way through the concrete into the bank, got what they wanted and left.
The next day,
THE AFTERMATH
come and see destruction at its finest.
that is, there was no stopping them oh!
what didn't they use. Grenade, machine guns, it remain rocket launchers.
You could see the inside of the bank from the gate front.
Apparently, this gang of robbers, rumored to be 60 in number, comprising of both male and female members, had been hitting this particular branch from state to state.
GUSTO!
Plus, the head of police thought it was a coup or something and got the governor out to the capital with his escort.
See our leaders!
In times of troubles, they pack their things and go. Leaving us noble citizens for dead.
Mscheeww.
But damn, when i look back and remember my grandmother's moves crawling and ducking under my bed, lol. i can't help but laff.
If she at her age is fearing death, wetin i suppose do?
In between, my brothers slept through the whole ordeal. Only when it was over and we were watching tv and eating scrambled eggs did they drag their legs come out. Claiming, i had a dream they were gunshots. See mumus. Na only the smell of eggs wake their coconut heads up!
Mscheewww.
So much for men of the house. lol
i remember that day like it was yesterday.
We used to live at a Bank avenue ( Bank avenue= area populated by banks.)
One faithful Friday nite, my dad had left the previous day to Kogi for some contract thingy. My maternal grandma was over for the weekend.
me i was jejely sleeping oh for my room, when the next thing i hear,
Screeching of tires, followed by gunshots. Gbosa Gbosa Gbosa.
It can't be knock-out (firecrackers) now. what are they celebrating.
Na the real thing oh!
Me i was like no worries, the guards would take care of the business. One of the advantages of living in that area.
Only for my lil. sister, Nyenye, to run into the room and was like, "did u hear?"
Me i was like, "Mumu, why do u think i am awake."
"Was that knock out or gunshot?"
(Don't blame us oh! we have never been robbed in our entire lives. we have God to thank for that. Plus we cannot for the life of us tell the difference. to me, they all sound the same. Except the ones on Naija movies. correct FAKE be dat one)
Next thing my mom quietly makes her way in.
"Chayoma, are you alright?"
'she's fine" (my sister too sabi.lol)
'Nyenye, what are you doing here?"
"i heard the gunshots now."
By now it has died down (for the meantime).
So we were thinking, coast is clear. make we go watch movie on tv, since we are awake. if possible chop better thing.
My mom is now close to the window, trying to see whether she can see anything.lol.
Next thing, we hear, Ptatatatatata.....(na gunshots. my attempt at special effects)
it is closer to our house this time. before you can even say Jack Robinson, my sister and momsie don take cover, floor position, military style, except me. i am still on my bed.
Then the Bank guards (Standard trust bank) closest to our house, decided to show off their weapons, responding fire for fire.
This shootout was going on for like 5 minutes ( i am guessing. in these situations, who looks at the time!)
Next thang i see, my grandmother, on all fours, James Bond style, creeping into my room.
Oh my gawd. i couldn't help myself. i started to laugh. see madness.
i didn't know this woman fit crawl. Na situation make crayfish bend.
My mother was like, 'Shhhh. you want them to come over here?"
Like say we get money for house we fit give them. Me i don;t want any violation of my body oh, so i just shut up.
Next thing (i too like this word huh?)
With megafone, the leader of the armed robbery gang ( i am guessing na leader) announces his presence.
" We are not here to rob you. Just stay where you are and don't come in our way. we are after UBA bank ( i bliv that was the bank. i know, i too forget. Blame it on the porosity of my pwetty brain) and them alone".
Chai, i just felt sorry for that Bank and their guards. if i was the guards, as soon as i hear that public announcement, na 4-40 , as fast as my legs can carry me.
By now, everyone don cool.
The firing don stop.
Only for the police to make their appearance
Kpatakpatakpata
Gbosa Gbosa Gbosa.
who ever supplied those robbers with their ammunition knows what's up. They should hook our police force up oh! Those akpuruka guns will not protect our country well oh!
Police then tried tear gas. the thing was stinging my eye for my room self. Mscheewww.
But apparently, they, the robbers had masks.
Professionals, no be small. they came more than prepared.
it didn't take the police long to figure out that they were no match for this set of robbers armed to the teeth.
They(the pol pol) packed their cork-and-shoot guns and left the scene.
The robbers just carried themselves and their machine guns, to the target site.
Blew up the gate, shot their way through the concrete into the bank, got what they wanted and left.
The next day,
THE AFTERMATH
come and see destruction at its finest.
that is, there was no stopping them oh!
what didn't they use. Grenade, machine guns, it remain rocket launchers.
You could see the inside of the bank from the gate front.
Apparently, this gang of robbers, rumored to be 60 in number, comprising of both male and female members, had been hitting this particular branch from state to state.
GUSTO!
Plus, the head of police thought it was a coup or something and got the governor out to the capital with his escort.
See our leaders!
In times of troubles, they pack their things and go. Leaving us noble citizens for dead.
Mscheeww.
But damn, when i look back and remember my grandmother's moves crawling and ducking under my bed, lol. i can't help but laff.
If she at her age is fearing death, wetin i suppose do?
In between, my brothers slept through the whole ordeal. Only when it was over and we were watching tv and eating scrambled eggs did they drag their legs come out. Claiming, i had a dream they were gunshots. See mumus. Na only the smell of eggs wake their coconut heads up!
Mscheewww.
So much for men of the house. lol
33 Comments:
ffffiiiiirrrrsssttt! I'll go and read now.
lol @ ur grandma creeping. you sef, u no dey fear o!
@Sumptuous
abi?
lol
Lol...9ja robbers operate like their the actual owners of wherever/whoever they are robbing. No fear, conscience whatsoever...
Have had similar experiences n mre a couple of times...lol...its funny after, but in d heat of d action..ur heart is in ur mouth man!..lol
lol..did dey rili say we r after uba bank..lol....thk God bullet no reach una side..lol@ ur grandma..when kata kata burst people do things dey didnt know dey cud do.
@Undercover07
tell me abt it.
@XSN
they did my dear. with their megafone oh!
Fear no dey catch them at all.
Tell my granms to move the way she did that day...shooo!
Fear dey give person adrenaline oh!
lol this recounting cracked me up!
I'm glad your family was spared. Your grandma doesn't joke around with her life; I love that! lol
Have a great week.
LOL i was realli laffing throuawt this thing mehn! ur tooo funnnnnny!!!!! ur grandmumsy hhehehehhheehhe...ur brothers witht their coconut heads..hahahaha omgggggggggggg! please abeg am tired of laughing sef!
WYFE!!!
why do you have to keep callin your peeps out this way? LOL!!!
I feel your brothers mehn!!!
if they were about 60 robbers and they robbed the same bank but different branches i think it wasn intercontinental bank...
i heard something like that plus they ate Mr. Biggs leaving the trash behind...
HAHAHA!!! too funny...
LOL...rule number 1 in naija is never go to bed with both eyes closed..
Those guys are damn so terrible,even had to use a magaphone to announce their presense? Thats damn audacious without stating the obvious!!
an arm robbery attack can make a great gist later but it's the one of the most horrifying ordeal one can pass thru..
i'm glad they weren't going into houses,it can be horrible..
stil that was some pretty funny narration..visualised ur grams on the floor, going James Bond style..cracked me up baaad
lmao....i dnt even which part wuz funnier; d police guy ur grandma's stunt.
This is funny
Wow..crazy! Thank God for protecting you guys o. Lol @ grandma..aww
nice post :)
LMAO!! Gosh I'm so sacred of thieves in Nigeria. I think the thieves "here" are really daft..lol.
lmao..lwkmd.i had fun reading this...he he he.
Loooool!
This was tooo funny!
From ur grandma to ur brothers..
LOOL
This was ROFLMAO
ur family is interesting.
Kendra
LOL…so much for men…but na wa o! the thieves used a mic to announce themselves! SAD..thank God cuz I believe the incidence of robbery has reduced now
This girl,you are not good. How can you be laughing at the poor old woman who was just re-living her james bond days... Armed robbers? These days they've gone from bank to bullion(is that how they spell it)vans. From gangs of ten to fifty. God helep me
lmho@ ur grandma crawling- that is really hilarious!
lol.....very funny
Naija robbery is like no other
i rememember when the girls even hide in the ceiling(roof) when robbers attacked, or even dressed like boys, so they wont be raped
As inn...I need to tell people of my own ordeal o
It was bad.
Thank God for our lives mehn
lol!!!!
chi-chi baby, shebi agwalam gi this thing before: Over-skill naim dey kill ninja o!
This was funny, poor Grandma...
i have said it b4 n il say it again babe u r LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL ahnahn no injure man pikin o
lawdhavemercy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is very scary oh. wit all d gists of robbery i dey hear, i dey fear o. kai. @ least, d 'kind' robbers announced their intentions & tempt some hot-headed proper man of d house to bring out his pump-action, & as such tempt dis robbers to teach him a lesson
I've one experience with robbers as well, and the police coming after almost 25 robbers left the compound. Mscheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewww
Thank God sha
...na real condition dey make crayfish bend!!!! lol u grandmomsie had a taste of 'action'
hahahaha, Thank God they didn't enter your crib. Mehn, those 9ja armed robbers eh? I've never had an encounter with them. I hope I don't. Scary!!!!
LMAO @ your Ninja grand ma, that is too funny. And your bros ke? See men of the house o! Na wa! Thank God say dem no enter una house ooo.
I could have sworn I commented here cos I remember laughing so much and retelling the story a hundred times...
Chayoma, WHERE IS MY COMMENT????
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