Naija Chikita

So most of you may know that i don't mind a drink or two here and there. Tinu calls me an alcoholic, albeit i drink in moderation and NEVER get drunk. i mean just because i do enjoy a glass of wine doesn't warrant the name ALCOHOLIC, now does it?

Anywhoo, i remember this incident a couple of years back.....

FLASHBACK

My mum's sister's in-laws were having some form of party/gathering. i can't recall what they were celebrating. Nigerians, do we need an excuse to throw a party?
Anywhoo, so my grandma (maternal, from 007) as in-law was expected to go but, being the diva that she is, decides that I should go in her place, with my Uncle M. I agreed, hoping they would be some fine guys at the gig, only for my sibs to decide that they want to come. BATTALION!

So we all got into my grandma's mercedes, Uncle M on the wheel. We were instructed by my granms to get a bottle of wine or something ( we cannot possibly show up with nothing now). If only she had given me that money, maybe the events i am about to recall would have turned out differently.

So there i was, in the car, with my Sony Discman( that's what they call them right? the handheld disc player) listening to R.Kelly ( I have to tell u the story of moi and R. kelly).
Only to realize, the car is stopping.
Haba


Dude decides to pick up his buddy for the joyride. See me now, mugu. let's call M's friend, ODE!
So ODE gets into the car, front passenger seat, tryin to make small talk with me. See nwata! Mscheeww. Abeg, i didn't dress up for you.


M: Chayoma, abeg pass that your R. Kelly CD. His greatest hits.
Chayoma: Errr, i am listening to it.
M: i wan play am for stereo here. Stop with the shakara. Pass the thing joo.

I just jejely give it to him.

M: u get good taste oh. this girl
Ode: You like R. Kelly? Mee too!

*Like he even knows R. Kelly*

Chayoma: Remember to stop and get the wine.
M: chill!

We get to a supermarket, M and ODE go in, come out with a bottle nicely wrapped.
And i am thinking, 'at least he did something right".

JINX

few minutes later, we were stuck in this ridiculous traffic jam. How i detest "Go-slow" Gosh!
Only for M to get this bright silly idea.

M: Naa, this hold up sef! Abeg, ODE, pass that bottle.
ODE: which bottle?
M: the wine bottle now.
ODE: is it not a gift?
M: abeg they will have enough drinks there, wetin. i wan shack!
Chayoma: i hope you are not planning on drinking and driving me oh!
M: Princess Chayoma, have faith. Nothing will happen.

Before i can say JACK ROBINSON, the nicely wrapped wine has been corked and half way to see its maker!



*to be cont'd*

Hey y'all
how has it been without moi?
Okay okay i knw i said i wld TRY not to be so M.I.A. on y'allz azzez but these things happen. Life and all its complications. Anyways i'm back, hopefully full time if not overtime so, strap on ya seatbelts peoples.

Yup, it's that time of the year when people break out those hideous costumes and go all gaga in my face. HALLOWEEN! what's so special about it anyways? i just don't get it.
Anywhoos, i will be sipping on my red wine with some cheesecake to go with it all in the name of Halloween.
Yes, i am one of those ELITES that don't do halloween. PERIOD!
still it's kinda fun to see what others have mapped out for this "special" ocazzion.
So what r u going dressed up as?
MJ?
i bet my two cents everyone is gonna atleast rock a white glove. So predictable.
Oh well, enuf abt that.

As y'all know (well most of you), i am majoring in Biochemistry :) third year student, technically my second year attending Uni. hehehe. So i seem to be loving my human physiology classes more and more especially the labs where i get to mess around with the human brain and dissect cow eyes... SWEET! holding a scalpel, i can feel that power all the way to my toes. But, (there is always a but) i dn't think i want to do medicine.
Number one: it is a long ass process to get there plus the $$$$$ of tuition gosh. shoot me now.
Number two: Seriously? entrusting someone else's life in my hands? i am not even done taking care of mine talk less another human being. let's see if i can take care of a plant for a week first.
Number three: There is no room for error. i mean, we are dealing with lives here dammit. Argghhh!

Dilemma.


New kid on the block.....H1N1 flu shot. How many people have taken/ planning on taking it?
Very skeptical here. i mean, rnt we like guinea pigs basically? did it get enough testing blah blah , you know the works?
Ahhh.
My life is in your hands Lord!
Jesus take the wheel


I CAN TRANSFORM YA!
Yes Brezzy is back. and i am feeling this song. the video....Heavy choreography is all i can say. so ninja-ish! LOVE!
we all knw abt the whole riri beating up issue. let's put the past behind us and move forward.
Speaking of riri, anyone heard her Russian roulette single ? Tiff Evans was calling it basically a road to destruction. i dnt see what's fab abt the song anyways....So that's that.


Oh and i forgot to say this...
ROBIN THICKE is expecting. Yes my fine white boy gon' be a dada soon.
So excited.
beautiful babies r on their way into this world
*sighs*

Anywhoo....
missed u guys.
Hopefully can come back with a BANG! haha.

Damn,
i wasn't planning on being M.I.A for soo long but life just has its way of dishing itself out. the days have been flying by soo fast like water flowing on ice that i really think i should take the time to sit back relax and kick it or something.
So for all y'all Canadians, this monday was our THANKSGIVING and i did (do) have a lot to be thankful for. But this is not a thankful post, maybe i shld do that next......*Lightbulb*
Anyway, so Sunday i went to church after three weeks of being away. Again i have no tangible excuse. with God there are no excuses. He gives life so u can't blame life. That rhymed huh? Mehn maybe i shld become a rapper, join the likes of Drake....
Anywhoo, where was i? Ahhh yess. so after managing to get up for church at 9am and attending, i continued the day by.....
wait for it


WAAIITTTT FOOORRRRR IITTTTT


CRASHING THANKSGIVING PARTIES.
Yes, and my oh my was it fun :)
And then i ended the day with Miss Tinu a.k.a Divalicious (who has moved to tweet me not.com, lol) we went to Montana's for some ribs, and were they goooddd! Whilst she was busy checking out the waiter. Tinu don't even lie. and don't blame the alcohol. u only had one cosmo....lol.
Was fun. Until 12 am, when i had to wake up and study for my freaking Metabolism and Human Physiology tests which i had Wednesday and Friday( that's today) respectively. And if u wanted to know, yes they were successful, i was stressing for no reason if u ask me. not that i cld recall all the answers in detail but i knew the material, so it is safe to say i bullshit-ed my way up to an A+ ....hehehe. we just have to wait for the results to confirm. But i do love my Human physiology course.

i grew up fascinated by the brain and the heart really. i had dreams, when i wasn't having dreams about snakes - my worst nightmare, of me in an operating room, doing a heart transplant, i have the new heart in and all but it doesn't start to beat on its own, soo i have to pump the bloody thing by taking it in my hands and what do u know, it starts to beat and i am holding a live heart in my hands, the closest i will ever get to feeling like God. i miss such dreams...

What happened? i used to be soo full of life, feel like i cld do anything. be anything. had soo many dreams and goals and aspirations. where did it all go? i wonder!

Anyway i am looking forward to the holiday sales, with our Canadian dollar rising to match the US dollar = more border crossing for shopping = less Canadians shopping in Canada = MEGA sales by department and clothing (especially clothing ) stores to keep the Canadians from crossing the border.....haha. i have it all figured out. As long as the Canadian dollar keeps going up, all my shopping dreams shall come true, and someone said AMEN!
So pray y'all. Even as it seems we are finally pulling out of the recession (Hallelu to that), so is teh Canadian dollar rising to fulfill all my clothing desires....lol.

Switch gears, to the weather, if i tell you guys that we have already started seeing snow in October...Haaa. This Canada self. Do i blame global warming or what? i didnt even get enough time to wear my trench coats....mscheww.
Anywhoo, it was sunny my end today, all i needed was a sweater cuz my house is right next door to school + we have underground tunnels, so i don't need to go outside unless i have to, which i did every hr for 5 minutes, just to feel the sun and wear my shades :)

Gosh, this is getting long, and i was wondering initially what i was gonna blog about.
Hope everyone has been good good!
i know i have.
Halloween is coming up.
Guessing loads of people have plans for that (notice how i said people and not me....yea)

Later....
MAD LOVE YO!

I know, i know, i have been away for like forever.... and i have no excuses cuz they do sound lame, the ones i came up with. So did anyone miss me?

Anywhoo, so i hooked up with Miss Tinu on friday to get a well deserved foot treatment. Yes, i had been on my foot for the past God knows how long and i needed some pampering :)
Soo off to Merle Norman.
Was it wonderful. Felt like my feet were floating on air, like i could walk on water, *sigh* .
Got a hot color too.... :)
We saw the color on some white chick getting her manicure on, n was like, "damn, that's hot"
So we got the color.
Who said red wasnt my color....mscheww

Miss Tinu got some waxing done and no not where u r thinking....her ARMS, for the first time. i know. u shld have seen her arms, they looked like a gorilla's. (Sorry babe, u knw i wuv u :)
Anywhoo she was actually brave about the whole thing, no screaming like a shewolf or shedding of tears. i know my first time, they were a few tears shed.
Anywhoo my feet feel wonderful and ready to dance the nite away.


All my Dan Brown fans (if u rnt one yet, u have better jump on this bandwagon) i finally got a hold of my very own THE LOST SYMBOL copy, thanks to a very dear friend....
Started reading it already and i am hyped, hooked....Gosh!

Anywhoo peeps, i have been well, so if u were worried, albeit no one showed their concern :(, i am fine, y'all.
Hopefully i come back with something exciting.
Happy 49th in arrears y'all. Praying feverishly for our great nation.
P.S. if there are any mistakes in this post, please forgive. Have to go study. Really digging Human Physiology. :)

Mad love yo

Damn,
i remember that day like it was yesterday.

We used to live at a Bank avenue ( Bank avenue= area populated by banks.)
One faithful Friday nite, my dad had left the previous day to Kogi for some contract thingy. My maternal grandma was over for the weekend.
me i was jejely sleeping oh for my room, when the next thing i hear,
Screeching of tires, followed by gunshots. Gbosa Gbosa Gbosa.
It can't be knock-out (firecrackers) now. what are they celebrating.
Na the real thing oh!
Me i was like no worries, the guards would take care of the business. One of the advantages of living in that area.
Only for my lil. sister, Nyenye, to run into the room and was like, "did u hear?"
Me i was like, "Mumu, why do u think i am awake."
"Was that knock out or gunshot?"

(Don't blame us oh! we have never been robbed in our entire lives. we have God to thank for that. Plus we cannot for the life of us tell the difference. to me, they all sound the same. Except the ones on Naija movies. correct FAKE be dat one)

Next thing my mom quietly makes her way in.
"Chayoma, are you alright?"
'she's fine" (my sister too sabi.lol)
'Nyenye, what are you doing here?"
"i heard the gunshots now."
By now it has died down (for the meantime).
So we were thinking, coast is clear. make we go watch movie on tv, since we are awake. if possible chop better thing.
My mom is now close to the window, trying to see whether she can see anything.lol.
Next thing, we hear, Ptatatatatata.....(na gunshots. my attempt at special effects)
it is closer to our house this time. before you can even say Jack Robinson, my sister and momsie don take cover, floor position, military style, except me. i am still on my bed.
Then the Bank guards (Standard trust bank) closest to our house, decided to show off their weapons, responding fire for fire.
This shootout was going on for like 5 minutes ( i am guessing. in these situations, who looks at the time!)
Next thang i see, my grandmother, on all fours, James Bond style, creeping into my room.
Oh my gawd. i couldn't help myself. i started to laugh. see madness.
i didn't know this woman fit crawl. Na situation make crayfish bend.
My mother was like, 'Shhhh. you want them to come over here?"
Like say we get money for house we fit give them. Me i don;t want any violation of my body oh, so i just shut up.

Next thing (i too like this word huh?)
With megafone, the leader of the armed robbery gang ( i am guessing na leader) announces his presence.
" We are not here to rob you. Just stay where you are and don't come in our way. we are after UBA bank ( i bliv that was the bank. i know, i too forget. Blame it on the porosity of my pwetty brain) and them alone".
Chai, i just felt sorry for that Bank and their guards. if i was the guards, as soon as i hear that public announcement, na 4-40 , as fast as my legs can carry me.

By now, everyone don cool.
The firing don stop.
Only for the police to make their appearance
Kpatakpatakpata
Gbosa Gbosa Gbosa.
who ever supplied those robbers with their ammunition knows what's up. They should hook our police force up oh! Those akpuruka guns will not protect our country well oh!
Police then tried tear gas. the thing was stinging my eye for my room self. Mscheewww.
But apparently, they, the robbers had masks.
Professionals, no be small. they came more than prepared.
it didn't take the police long to figure out that they were no match for this set of robbers armed to the teeth.
They(the pol pol) packed their cork-and-shoot guns and left the scene.

The robbers just carried themselves and their machine guns, to the target site.
Blew up the gate, shot their way through the concrete into the bank, got what they wanted and left.

The next day,
THE AFTERMATH
come and see destruction at its finest.
that is, there was no stopping them oh!
what didn't they use. Grenade, machine guns, it remain rocket launchers.
You could see the inside of the bank from the gate front.
Apparently, this gang of robbers, rumored to be 60 in number, comprising of both male and female members, had been hitting this particular branch from state to state.
GUSTO!
Plus, the head of police thought it was a coup or something and got the governor out to the capital with his escort.
See our leaders!
In times of troubles, they pack their things and go. Leaving us noble citizens for dead.
Mscheeww.

But damn, when i look back and remember my grandmother's moves crawling and ducking under my bed, lol. i can't help but laff.
If she at her age is fearing death, wetin i suppose do?

In between, my brothers slept through the whole ordeal. Only when it was over and we were watching tv and eating scrambled eggs did they drag their legs come out. Claiming, i had a dream they were gunshots. See mumus. Na only the smell of eggs wake their coconut heads up!
Mscheewww.
So much for men of the house. lol

My mother always used to preach to those that would listen that....
SHE WOULD KNOW WHEN HER CHILDREN STARTED TO CARESS THE BOTTLE!
(You would always find Me ,whenever she said such for corner, just laffing my head off. )
A year plus went by b4 my mother knew that me and Baba Alcohol don jam, marry, born pikins wey don get grandpikins.
It was at some wedding, where i was jejely getting my dose of good loving with some dude that she korokoro saw me on full duty. That one na another tori.

Anyway, now, i just feel sorry for her.
I am the first of four. Ndi Ada kwenu!
Nyenyechukwu, my only sister is my immediate junior. She is 18 years of age. Yellow like pawpaw (lol) and tall as an iroko, that one na wahala. You never know what she is up to until she is done. As in, the gal get levels oh! Jnr. 15, is first son. Carbon copy of my father, who is not too shabby at all in the looks and height department, is one hawt volcano waiting to erupt. From day one, he has been trouble. Doesn't say much, but does more than much. Anu Nti.Dem put am for military secondary school oh, but still, my mom just found out that he has been drinking like forever. The woman wan die, be dat. My dad, doesn't drink so he doesn't even know where to start from.lol. All he told him is not to overdo the drinking. Shikina!
My mother wan bring down the house finish.
Her personal advisers (her brother and cousins) advised her not to fret. So now, my mom hugs the bottle with her first son. They sit together, watching 24 leisurely taking sips. the Life She still can't believe it! lol. She even gives him a bottle when he goes over to a friend's or something for a sleepover telling him not to overdo it.(which kain sleepover, na party abi na clubbing. my mum doesn't know yet. her heart is too fragile for such info abeg. Una wan kill my mama, all these amebos ), . Na 10% wey she dey give the pikin oh. She is claiming that one will keep him at bay for now. lol. When a dog tastes blood.....Haha!
I am telling her is no biggie, her head wan scatter. i mean, i knew, but it isnt the kain thing wey i suppose tell her. Una agree with moi abi?
Growing up, my mum tried to install the notion that all that tickles every teenager's fantasy out there aint worth sh*t. ( kinda true. Me i still want that pair of Prada shoes that i have been eyeing oh!)She is holding unto the little flicker of hope that those words did not fall on deaf ears but are rooted and will bring forth fruits. (Let someone say Amen!)

Mommy ndo! LMAO. We still love you oh! Sweet Mother....

Meanwhile, Kay, our baby, 13, is just questioning her as to why he isn't allowed to drink. Me, i am like, how r u sure that one hasn't been drinking too?. Kay should be likened to a peacock. Always popular with the ladies. But na mommy's handbag oh....lol.

So the following convo after her breaking the news to me now....lol

i was like, " when did u have the birds and bees talk with Jnr. now? you didn't tell me"
Mommy: i haven't. i am waiting for you.
Me: Me ke? you didn't give me the talk so how am i suppose to know what to tell them. lol.
( i am telling you. all she did was pack female condoms for our house finish plus handbooks. A whole dokita oh, who will be going to conferences and preaching about AIDS and ish.....Mscheewww. lol)
Mommy: I dunno, it is your responsibility as Ada nwanyi. (Lekwa) But you don't think they have started, do you?
(by this time i was literally rolling on the floor laffing)
Me: we are talking about teenage hormone driven boys here oh. Look past the fact that they are your sons. Things don change oh!
I think i just sent her into another frenzy. But eh, children of nowadays are just growing like agric fowl. they even know more than i do. Nawaa....


HAPPY LABOR DAY :)

Yup, it's that time of the year....
Finally moved into a new place right behind campus.... that's why i have been MIA!
Lease is up so found a new place and ish...u knw how it goes...

Moving is strenuous mehn....didn't know i had soo much stuff. DAYUM!
School starts Wednesday so hopefully i do post something tangible b4 then.
Settling in pretty good so watch out for toris oh!
Damn i'm sleepy....


Nite :)
*fingers crossed i dream of shia labeouf and Trey Songz, my famous threesome **wink*wink*
i'm out.....


I'll be BACK......
muhaha